Irby Construction Company

In 1978, I started playing guitar as a 14-year-old boy. I wish I could say there was some altruistic, artistic motive. But, for an ugly skinny kid that was slow and unathletic, guitar was my only chance to find a girl! Here I am at 61 still trying to impress my bride of 40 years! I’ve played professionally since I was 16. As a kid, I wanted to learn to play really bad. As an adult and almost 50 years of practice, I can now say I play really bad!! I’ve been blessed to play alongside many of my heroes. I’ve heard myself on national radio. I’ve been inducted into the Blues Hall of Fame. But, I became an engineer to support my habit as a musician. And, my music life has made me a much better engineer and technology leader. Here are some quick communications lessons from years in the studio and stage.

Shut up: Miles Davis said, “In music, silence is more important than sound.” In communications and leadership, silence is more important than your voice! Let me caveat that, you will need to let your thoughts be known. There is a time to speak we’ll get there in a minute. But, I encourage you to listen before you speak. I was inducted into the Hall of Fame by my peers not because I’m the best player. But, lots of bands and artist want me to sit in and play because I listen and add value to what they are playing. I try to make sure what I say with my guitar moves the music forward. I must never distract from the people around me. I’ve never lost a gig because I played too little. Conversation is exactly the same as music. So , Shut up!

Ask Questions: When I play, I try to make sure what I’m playing is setting the next person up to shine. I work to move the musical conversation forward. Conversations are like a song. Your questions should move the conversation forward. You are setting the other person up for a solo. When you ask the question, shut up and let them shine. See the previous point on “Shut Up!” Questions are the most import part of the conversation. It’s not an inquisition (or maybe it is) there is an art to questions that like an instrument take time to master. Practice on family. It will strengthen a marriage and built better relationships with parents and children. Questions are more powerful than statements.

 In communications and leadership, silence is more important than your voice 

Listen to Learn not Reply: If you have asked questions and you have shut up, for goodness’ sake. LISTEN! I mean really listen. Listen to learn! Too many folks “listen” just to hear the other person take a breath so they can jump back in and talk. That’s not listening. That just waiting for a dead spot to make your noise. Some folks don’t even wait for the dead spot. When you are truly listening there will be a gap between the person stops talking and you saying something. That gap is when you are processing what the other person said to think about what you want to say. Or and even better, you are formulating your next question based on what you have heard. So what if it takes a few seconds. Do you know that if there is dead space the other person may add more information to the conversation. Now, you learned more. People can’t stand quiet. Use it to your advantage. Young musicians make the mistake of thinking they have to always be playing. Professionals listen!

Be Brief: As a great blues man once told me, “When it’s time, don’t take too much time.” It’s always better to play your best stuff and stop. Make them want more. If you do need to make statements, think through them and keep them short. Let’s face it everyone is trying to think of what they are going to say not listening to you. You probably only have 10% of the time you are talking with them actually listening. Keep a mental timer going in your head on how long you are talking. TV commercials are about 30 seconds. A half commercial is 15 seconds. A LONG one is 60 seconds. You got 30 seconds. Use them wisely!

What Else: Never take the first answer alone. When you are digging into problem just like recording music, it’s never take one or take two. I start digging on take number three. Conversations are like that too, especially around problems. I don’t get to looking for solutions till the third time I ask “what else do we need to solve?” or “If we can solve that, what else?”

Here are some great questions to get you started:

• Help me understand this better?

• Tell me more?

• Then what?

• How could we do better? / What could we do different?

• Tell me your idea?